justoscar | Inbox for Deer Country

It's not too obvious.

And, I think your eulogy was beautiful.

What people forget is that the rituals we do for departed or absent friends isn't necessarily for them, but the people left behind. You've said that you were one of the only people left who saw the truth of that city. Recolle, wasn't it?

It's important for you to honor and remember that. Even if no one else does.

Edited 2021-09-28 17:08 (UTC)

Yeah, all of that really did feel like it was for me and me alone.
I was surprised that people actually showed up and paid attention to it.
Stupid fucking metaphors and all.

I am the last one, as far as I know. Now that I've had some time to ask around, nobody else here knows what I'm talking about.
Maybe in broad strokes, but I tell someone that I come from a place where other souls took over our bodies and changed the way we act and think and they look at me like I'm a futuristic combat android with a human head.

You called yourself a robot girl the last time we talked. Is what you described what you are?

That's still pretty cool. Who cares what they think?

But... I think I might understand a little. When we talked, I told you a little about my world, but not everything. Because, well.

My situation is a little like your's. Not entirely, but a little. I woke up one day and had the voice of a school headmaster from a different part of the world telling me that our souls were bonded and that I needed to face destiny. Since then, it's been weird.

A lot of the people who knew him from before he died saw me as just a smaller version of him. They didn't see me for who I am.

Not many people really get it. They try, they can sympathize, but it's not the same. What happened with the both of us, though? Sounds like they're pretty close.

Edited 2021-09-28 17:30 (UTC)

You're kidding.

Well. Mine's still a little different.
The way Recolle worked was that one day, your soul just started resonating with the soul of someone from some long-dead world.
You never had a choice in who it was or when it started happening. Or when it stopped, but that was more of a problem for the people you left behind.
You learned more when things happened that made the souls resonate more.
You changed. You gained memories.
Once your souls started resonating, you could see more of reality, and you existed just... a little to the left of everyone. You could still see them, talk to them, but you couldn't tell them about the truth.
They wouldn't believe you.

I have my soul, Annalise Amarande Lehmann. The one who's been here for damn near 30 years.
And I have YoRHa Type-A No. 2, the combat android that makes up most of my body and a lot of my memories.
Our souls collide, a swarm of minds reborn as one. Or that's the idea, at least.

A2 is still here. But she's not growing anymore.
Everything I know about her now is all I'll know about her forever.
Right now, I'm just Anna.

No joke. If we had remained in our world, our souls would one day become one. But, he's tired after doing this for centuries, and that many lifetimes.

And I'm still Fifteen.

Your situation sounds very frustrating and sad. Like, you really are a gardener tending a garden that no one else knows how to enjoy.

No matter what other memories you have, and what your body looks like, you're still yourself. You're Anna, and you've survived more than most people can even imagine.

She's tired, too.
She's been doing this for what must be so long. Fighting, killing. Trying to make up for what she's lost.
I tried so hard to give her a better ending than the one she got.
But that probably sounds stupid. I can't change it if her world's already ended, you know?

The garden thing... I guess it's not totally wrong.
I just did it because they were all named after flowers, and they were getting infected by something that wanted to turn them into weapons.
That's what I thought A2 was for the longest time, too. Just a weapon.
How about your dude? Seems a little self-important to be just a headmaster.

There's always a chance to do things different. Whatever you did had to have been better than what the warrior in the other world got, and I'm sure she appreciated it.

My person, Ozma, is one of the last survivors of a civilization that was destroyed by his Gods and the woman he loved. She was cursed with immortality, and he was tasked with stopping her before she destroyed everything again. But, since he was already dead, he had to join with someone living to meet that goal.

... Both him and his ex-wife are the only remaining magic left in our world, so I guess makes him a wizard.

That's a little bit heavier of a title than Headmaster, huh?

A little bit, yeah.
Damn, though. I could've expected, maybe, that someone would know what I meant by the whole soul merging thing.
I didn't expect it to be someone else with a sole survivor in his head.
A2 lost her whole squad in a forever war against the machines, and there's just... so much complicated stuff going on with it. But she's the only one left, more or less.
She has the memories of everyone else inside her, and she can't tell anyone else about them because they won't listen, or because it won't matter.

And I'm a grown-ass adult.
I hate seeing more kids having to deal with this.
You're supposed to be making dumb mistakes and going on awkward dates.

Well. I still get that too.

... I'm pretty lucky, my boyfriend mostly accepts this. It makes him mad, but he knows there's really nothing to do.

As long as we are here, we're fine. I hope that's the same with you... And that maybe we can find a way to give A2 the ending she deserves.

Yeah, that's the thing, huh.
There's never really anything you can do about it once it starts happening.
You just wake up one day and your life has changed forever. And you just keep living.

It's probably better for me that I don't have to worry about turning into A2 completely.
But I wouldn't say I'm fine just because I'm here.

Venus made sure I kept myself fed while I was going through the worst of it.
Clover and Jasmine kept me moving forward. Violet gave me my glass eye.
Lina treated me like a friend when all the other sisters just thought I was some weird bitch who couldn't stop obsessing over Rose.
And that's just the sisters.
I have a lot more eulogizing left to do.

I'll be here to listen when you decide to share.

And, Anna?

It's okay to not be okay. Even though I've accepted my situation, I wasn't okay enough with it to go back home and let it continue. What's done is done, and it's... weird sometimes.

Like I'm Me, but Not Me.

If that makes sense.

The person I was at the farm wouldn't want me to mourn the loss, but look for the adventures that will come. I'm sure your missing Flowers feel something similar.

And, if you find yourself needing something to eat? I always cook too much. It's a big house, so there's space for you to have a meal and rest with some safe people if you need it.

[if she'd been standing up, she would need to sit down reading this. instead she runs her hand through her hair and looks up at the ceiling for a long while. getting lectured about trauma by someone half her age is a hell of a thing.]

The sisters don't know there's a loss to mourn, but I'm not about to argue with you.
Like, I get your point.
And as long as you can put up with me doing that stupid dramatic shit for everyone else I left behind,
i.e. everyone I've ever known and loved forever,
Then it's gonna work out fine.

Anyway.
I think Ruby wants me to head out there and learn how to fire a gun, if she lives with you guys.
I can make a day out of it.

Of course I know Ruby. She only adopted me as her little brother-- and it's the coolest thing ever.

[Nothing would change his feelings on that matter. Ruby was one of the coolest people he had the privilege of meeting. Being called her little brother was more than he had ever dreamed.]

If anyone can teach you how to shoot, it's her. She's got both skill and talent. There also aren't too many people willing to stand in the barrel of the rifle of a mech and aim perfectly enough to take out it's engine.

Which, she did. She totally stood in the barrel of a mech rifle to shoot out it's engine.

[No... he's not bragging!]

Let us know when you do come. I could use the practice, too!

Damn, you guys are all about found family too, huh?
So those people you have me looking for, are they honorary sisters?
Actual sisters?

[family has never mattered too much to her, not since the troubles. but she knows that it can change the world for other people. so that just makes her silently redouble her efforts, even if things have been... well.]

Haven't had much luck either way. I'm spending a lot of time down the shore to see if any new squids come in, but nobody yet.
Either way, sounds like you're pretty proud of the sister you do have here.
Sounds like she's good at doing stupid, reckless shit.
We'll get along.

Of course we do Found Family. You probably wouldn't be surprised to hear this, but living in a world where monsters are drawn by emotions means there's a big call for huntsmen and huntresses to keep them in line... and a a sad amount of broken families. If we don't help each other, we literally could end up dead.

Yang and Ruby are half sisters, but with Emerald and I we're all Found Family. And, I guess everyone in the house is getting pretty close, too.

We've been through a lot together.

And, yeah. We totally do reckless stuff all the time. If that's your style, then you'd fit right in.

Well, I had to get told off a couple times for being TOO reckless, but what fun is constantly playing by the rules, you know?

[broken families, huh. lots to chew on with that. rose would like it here.]

Just as a heads up,
You guys try adopting me and I will kick and scream the entire time.

Too late. I've already got the papers ready to sign.

Son of a bitch.
All right, fine, but you can't make me wear sweaters on holidays.

Sweaters? No, I'm not THAT skilled. Just eat whatever food I give you, okay?

Long as it tastes good, since that's the only thing I'm getting out of food anymore.

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