Oscar said quietly, a small, bitter smile playing on his lips as he thought over just who would benefit the most emotionally from helping him with this task. He already had a person in mind, however he also knew better than to rely on just a single, unconfirmed option.
"I know people too. But, I'll definitely come your way if that falls through."
Because Varian, despite being a moron about his personal affairs, was still one of the smartest people he knew in town.
Not that he was without personal challenges himself. Even after so many months, he could vividly recall Ozpin's sheer terror at having his past-- his truth revealed. It was no wonder Oz locked himself away for so long in the aftermath...
"And, Varian?" He added, quietly. "Sometimes the only way a person is going to grow is if they let themselves be vulnerable. Your past sounds like it's full of anger and hurt. It must have been terrible! But, hiding it away and pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it less a part of you.
"And... everything must have been confusing without those memories. No one should have to go through life not even knowing who they are."
"I think that's fair. It's... something you've gotta work out for yourself. "
He sure as heck did. He needed to be able to work on his own leg. He'd lost a part of himself and it needed to be him that found a way to replace it. It was part of the healing process- he doesn't think he would have healed any near as quickly without him having to put his own self into it. He would have been cheating himself.
He offers a tired little smile, leaning back on the headboard of the bed.
"I know. I've been working on that. Dealing with it better," it's slow process, but he's trying. "I think I'll always be careful about who gets to know. I need to trust someone first. It's just... well. A lot."
That much is obvious to Oscar now at least, he hopes. How much of A Lot it is. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I didn't especially like it. Knowing I was missing something, even if it was awful it- I don't know. It felt like I was missing huge chunks of myself. I do not recommend a second death."
"...I've been here nearly a year and I've somehow managed to avoid dying at all,"
Oscar admitted, knowing full well that this fact was only because he had dubiously good fortunes on his side. The guilt over this status was something he struggled with in hard times, when his friends, team mates, and found family were all struggling with the ramifications of their own deaths. It added to the overall helplessness he felt in the circumstances.
Although he had lost a part of himself in helping Varian, somehow he felt... relieved. It served as proof that there were things he could influence and change in this world.
"Not that I'm rushing for it, but I'm not sure how much longer my luck will hold out. In the meanwhile... I'll just keep helping my friends who are hurt. Like you.
"Because... even if we lose our limbs and our memories, we don't have to lose what's important to us. Like our friends."
"If you can keep that particular streak going, that would be great. Try to keep that luck holding out, please."
His tone might be a little jokey, but he definitely means it. He'd rather Oscar not get himself killed here. His memories are already a convoluted mess- the last thing he needs is to start losing them, too. No- far better than Oscar doesn't experience that particular aspect of the town.
He does smile faintly. Because that's a really nice sentiment. Very fitting. This town takes a lot from them, but if they can keep hold of each other... well, they can weather the rest of it.
"Truer words have not been spoken," he can't his head. "...And hey, whoever the nail polish is for? You know they'd really luck out with you, Oscar. You're a great guy."
Oscar asked-- a tad shy for a moment. He briefly cast a glance down at the glossy dark blue nails, a fond smile playing on his lips as he thought on who that color was for.
"I haven't known them long, and our situations could make it awkward... But I've come to cherish the conversations we have, like I've enjoyed our's.
"...Saying it is going to be the hard part. That's all."
He might not share Oscar's specific feelings towards him, but he still thinks Oscar is an incredible person. One of the most incredible people he's ever met, in all honesty.
"I think your situation is always gonna be... a thing, but you might be surprised. I guess you'll never know unless you take that step... and I get it's scary, believe me, I do."
It took him the better part of half a year to finally talk to Fern about his feelings, after all.
"But it's gotta be better than hanging onto them yourself, right?"
Hanging onto them himself meant suffering in silence. It meant doing crazy things without expectation of recognition or even a 'thank you', but it also meant bearing those burdens alone If Oscar had learned anything from this, it was that doing things alone never got him anywhere good.
He smiled shyly and rubbed at the blue paint on his nails with his fingertips in a fidgety gesture-- but, he was quietly pleased, too.
"Right,"
He said, finally.
"I'll try to find a way to tell them. And... I hope it works."
Varian knew only too well where trying to deal with things alone led. It's a bad habit he still slips into, from time to time, but he's trying to wean himself out of it. To learn to rely on other people and understand he's not dragging them down in doing so.
"I'm sure you'll do fine," he smiles. "And if they break your heart, I can absolutely lightly poison them. Only lightly."
"I think you might find that trickier to do than you expect!"
Oscar chuckled, glad to see Varian back in full form. While the person he was referencing had no extraordinary capabilities beyond that of a human from a more peaceful version of Earth, they came with a full party of people whom Oscar was certain would commit murder and hide bodies for one of their own.
"What? You talking to them or me lightly poisoning them?"
Varian definitely doesn't want to get on the bad side of the Pines household. Well, except Stan, but that's a whole other thing. Still, it feels good to laugh a little, it eases some of the weight of their conversation. It gives him hope that things can be okay, normal, despite Oscar knowing the past that dogged him. His smile softens.
"You lightly poisoning them. Their family... is pretty protective. I don't think you'll be able to get through without someone knowing!"
Things between them could go on as normal, Oscar hoped. Knowing about Varian's past only helped Oscar understand the other teen more-- and, knowing what lurked behind that smile helped him know what to look for, too.
"You'd be surprised how stealthy I can be! But fine, fine, I'll refrain from the active poisoning. Just for you, mind."
Varian would be loath to admit it, but it does feel good to get it off his chest, to have Oscar know the truth. He doesn't like keeping his past from the people he considers his family. He wants them to know about his life- even the broken, shadow parts of it. He guesses one day he'll learn to share it without the fear he'll be turned away for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Oscar said quietly, a small, bitter smile playing on his lips as he thought over just who would benefit the most emotionally from helping him with this task. He already had a person in mind, however he also knew better than to rely on just a single, unconfirmed option.
"I know people too. But, I'll definitely come your way if that falls through."
Because Varian, despite being a moron about his personal affairs, was still one of the smartest people he knew in town.
Not that he was without personal challenges himself. Even after so many months, he could vividly recall Ozpin's sheer terror at having his past-- his truth revealed. It was no wonder Oz locked himself away for so long in the aftermath...
"And, Varian?" He added, quietly. "Sometimes the only way a person is going to grow is if they let themselves be vulnerable. Your past sounds like it's full of anger and hurt. It must have been terrible! But, hiding it away and pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it less a part of you.
"And... everything must have been confusing without those memories. No one should have to go through life not even knowing who they are."
no subject
He sure as heck did. He needed to be able to work on his own leg. He'd lost a part of himself and it needed to be him that found a way to replace it. It was part of the healing process- he doesn't think he would have healed any near as quickly without him having to put his own self into it. He would have been cheating himself.
He offers a tired little smile, leaning back on the headboard of the bed.
"I know. I've been working on that. Dealing with it better," it's slow process, but he's trying. "I think I'll always be careful about who gets to know. I need to trust someone first. It's just... well. A lot."
That much is obvious to Oscar now at least, he hopes. How much of A Lot it is. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I didn't especially like it. Knowing I was missing something, even if it was awful it- I don't know. It felt like I was missing huge chunks of myself. I do not recommend a second death."
no subject
Oscar admitted, knowing full well that this fact was only because he had dubiously good fortunes on his side. The guilt over this status was something he struggled with in hard times, when his friends, team mates, and found family were all struggling with the ramifications of their own deaths. It added to the overall helplessness he felt in the circumstances.
Although he had lost a part of himself in helping Varian, somehow he felt... relieved. It served as proof that there were things he could influence and change in this world.
"Not that I'm rushing for it, but I'm not sure how much longer my luck will hold out. In the meanwhile... I'll just keep helping my friends who are hurt. Like you.
"Because... even if we lose our limbs and our memories, we don't have to lose what's important to us. Like our friends."
no subject
His tone might be a little jokey, but he definitely means it. He'd rather Oscar not get himself killed here. His memories are already a convoluted mess- the last thing he needs is to start losing them, too. No- far better than Oscar doesn't experience that particular aspect of the town.
He does smile faintly. Because that's a really nice sentiment. Very fitting. This town takes a lot from them, but if they can keep hold of each other... well, they can weather the rest of it.
"Truer words have not been spoken," he can't his head. "...And hey, whoever the nail polish is for? You know they'd really luck out with you, Oscar. You're a great guy."
no subject
Oscar asked-- a tad shy for a moment. He briefly cast a glance down at the glossy dark blue nails, a fond smile playing on his lips as he thought on who that color was for.
"I haven't known them long, and our situations could make it awkward... But I've come to cherish the conversations we have, like I've enjoyed our's.
"...Saying it is going to be the hard part. That's all."
no subject
He might not share Oscar's specific feelings towards him, but he still thinks Oscar is an incredible person. One of the most incredible people he's ever met, in all honesty.
"I think your situation is always gonna be... a thing, but you might be surprised. I guess you'll never know unless you take that step... and I get it's scary, believe me, I do."
It took him the better part of half a year to finally talk to Fern about his feelings, after all.
"But it's gotta be better than hanging onto them yourself, right?"
no subject
He smiled shyly and rubbed at the blue paint on his nails with his fingertips in a fidgety gesture-- but, he was quietly pleased, too.
"Right,"
He said, finally.
"I'll try to find a way to tell them. And... I hope it works."
no subject
"I'm sure you'll do fine," he smiles. "And if they break your heart, I can absolutely lightly poison them. Only lightly."
no subject
Oscar chuckled, glad to see Varian back in full form. While the person he was referencing had no extraordinary capabilities beyond that of a human from a more peaceful version of Earth, they came with a full party of people whom Oscar was certain would commit murder and hide bodies for one of their own.
"But... thanks. For understanding."
no subject
Varian definitely doesn't want to get on the bad side of the Pines household. Well, except Stan, but that's a whole other thing. Still, it feels good to laugh a little, it eases some of the weight of their conversation. It gives him hope that things can be okay, normal, despite Oscar knowing the past that dogged him. His smile softens.
"I'm pretty sure that should be my line to you."
no subject
Things between them could go on as normal, Oscar hoped. Knowing about Varian's past only helped Oscar understand the other teen more-- and, knowing what lurked behind that smile helped him know what to look for, too.
"Guess we're both pretty good at that, huh?"
no subject
Varian would be loath to admit it, but it does feel good to get it off his chest, to have Oscar know the truth. He doesn't like keeping his past from the people he considers his family. He wants them to know about his life- even the broken, shadow parts of it. He guesses one day he'll learn to share it without the fear he'll be turned away for it.
"...Yeah, I guess we are. Go us."