Varian wishes it ended here. That he was just stopped and things stopped escalating. But he's very far from done yet. Much like there's a reason he doesn't make promises easily, there's a reason he doesn't trust this story with many people. He's always terrified it'll ruin his relationship with them forever. When they learn what he's actually capable of.
"By that point, I was a wanted traitor to the crown. So no, no one tried to talk to me."
Maybe if he hadn't gone so far, Rapunzel would have. She has an endless ability towards forgiveness. He should have given her the chance. But he didn't, and now they're here.
"I made a bunch of automatons to attack the guards and keep them busy. Rapunzel and the king decided to try and sneak into my lab, but I was expecting them. I captured them pretty easily. I... gave Rapunzel an ultimatum. I emptied out a vial of the amber next to where I'd chained her mom up. I told her she helped me, or her mother would face the same fate as my father."
He still remembers how terrified Rapunzel and her father were. How the queen tried to keep a brave face but how blatantly terrified she was too. He didn't care. It was all a means to an end at that point.
"...It didn't work. Rapunzel's power didn't do anything with the amber and the royal family managed to get free. I saw them hugging together, just this... this happy family and I'd lost the only family I had left and something in me just... snapped."
"I did. I wanted her to suffer like I had. So she knew how it felt."
It had been spiteful, and selfish, and stupid. He could see that now. But at the time, there had been a red veil of rage around him and no amount of reasoning with him would have brought him down at that point.
"I got on board my biggest automaton and grabbed the queen and Rapunzel's best friend in each hand. I told her she needed to suffer and I... I started to crush them to death," and he was ready for Rapunzel to watch every agonising second of it. "...Luckily for all of us, Rapunzel realised her connection with the rocks and managed to defeat me and save them. No one died and I got sent to the castle dungeons. I was there for a year, before I got out. "
....listening to all of this was hard, but Oscar kept his silence and his opinions to himself-- concerned more for the disconcerting parallels he saw with the systems in Remnant with the secrecy and the divisions amongst the people than the actual treasonous acts in many ways.
There was no condoning what Varian had done-- but it was easy to see the reasons for those actions as well.
"...Of course you wanted her to understand. You were angry, and alone. That's hard to deal with."
It was a small fortune that Varian had been stopped before anything happened, Oscar knew. But, still...
"I was all of those things, but it didn't give me the right to try and kill people who'd done nothing to me."
It wasn't even about Cassandra or Arianna at that point. It had been about ripping into Rapunzel's heart and making her hurt as much as he possibly could. He likes to think he wouldn't do that any more, but once you know you have such a deep, dark well inside of you... well, the fear of it coming back and swallowing you whole is always there.
"Still in the amber. I gave up on trying to free him. But the people who helped me out of prison had some ideas and I stupidly followed them. I thought they were on my side. We used magic to wipe the memories of the king and queen- Rapunzel and her group were away trying to learn more about the rocks. It was easy to slip in and take over. I took place as their royal advisor and with their memories wiped, they had no reason to believe otherwise. I treated the citizens of the Kingdom like slaves- working in the mines. The orders came from the king, even if they knew it was me pulling the strings. They didn't dare rise up. "
He knew there was a quiet residence, of course. Xavier had been at the front of that. But nothing came of it until Rapunzel came back.
"...I wanted to make a gas to spread through Corona- that's what I needed minerals from the mines for. I wanted to force everyone to forget... everything," he grimaces- after being in Deerington and both seen and experiencing how awful that was, he can't believe he ever thought that was a good idea. "I thought it was the only way I could redeem myself. "
"I'm sorry that's what you thought you had to do to get your redemption,"
Oscar said quietly, picking his words carefully. For a moment he realized he was talking to someone comparable to Ironwood at their worst-- whose fear and need for control overrode their better judgement and, when lost in the darkness of their despair, saw no choice but to use their might as an avenue to make matters right.
In a small way, Oscar also saw how he was no different.
"Forgetting things doesn't make anything better," he added, quietly. It was a sentiment he felt in his bones, he knew in his gut. "I... think a part of me knows that better than most people. And, I think you know that now, too."
It was stupid and naive. It was a childish way of thinking. As if hiding all the damage and pain he'd caused would somehow make it so it never happened at all. He'd tried to dodge the consequences of his actions and it nearly destroyed the city.
"The people I was working with double-crossed me. They never wanted to go with my plan. The chemical I was working on was highly explosive. More than Flynnolium. By a lot," he pulls his flesh and blood leg up to his chest, hugging it close for comfort. "They... they wanted to drop it on the city, raze it to the ground. Wipe everyone out. I- that was a line I couldn't cross. I didn't sign up for mass slaughter."
For all the bad things he'd done, there was a line. He took a small sense of comfort that the line existed at all. That despite everything, he wasn't a complete monster. He's quiet for a moment- there's a part of this story he always skips over, but Oscar sacrificed an awful lot for these memories to come back. It would be disingenuous to keep it from him.
"...I helped Rapunzel get onto the airship they were going to drop the chemicals on. The fight meant the ship was damaged, it was going down and fast. If we didn't get it higher again, it would have levelled the city. We could use the chemical to keep it up, but it would have meant someone staying on the ship," his eyes become a little more distant, he doesn't like talking about this, there's a reason only Fern knows. "I told Rapunzel to get off. I just- I needed to fix my own mess. And it's not like I had anyone left to mourn me at that point. I couldn't let something I'd created kill so many people. I just- if one of us was gonna die, it might as well have been me."
He'd been so desperately lost at that point. The darkness had swallowed him whole and he didn't know how to get out of it any more.
"She didn't let me. She kicked me off the ship and used her hair to protect herself and the city was saved, " he heaves out an uneven breath. "She- she managed to free my dad. She'd learned a new power while she was out in the world, and she used it to melt the amber. He was okay," thank god, he was okay, Varian doesn't know where he would be if his father had been lost forever. "From that point onwards, I did everything I could to make up for what I'd done. To try and put good back in the world after doing so much damage."
He lets go of his leg, leaning back on the bed, casting Oscar a look.
"And now you know," the whole sad, sorry tale. "That's what you gave your leg up for."
Oscar leveled his gaze on Varian and shifted on the bed, pulling his good leg up onto the mattress and folding it before him as if he were sitting with both legs in relative comfort. He watched his friend, mulling over the sad, sorry tale of Varian's fall and redemption-- a part of him feeling like the themes within were distinctly familiar.
He heaved a sigh and shook his head, shaggy hair falling into his face.
"You saw the line and you didn't cross it. That's more than most people can say... Including people whose memories I've got in here."
He tapped his temple, and dragged himself out of the memories of the Last King of Vale.
"That's an important part of you, no matter how dark it is and the things you've done. And... I guess it's that darkness in you that caught my attention when we met. I..."
Oscar chuckled and shook his head once more.
"Nevermind. It's nothing. But-- that does explain a lot about why you were mad at me in February."
He's at least more accepting of the fact that, as awful as his past was, he's learned from it. It has been the stepping stones for him to becoming a better person.
"...After losing those memories, I realised that they really did make me learn to be better, I guess? I knew how bad I could be, so I knew to avoid... that again. When I didn't have those memories...well, that lesson wasn't there."
And he'd ended up getting into fights and not being quite right. He'd felt broken and lost and as much as it truly hurt still that Oscar did this, sacrificed this to get those memories back, he's not convinced how well he would have handled another month with them gone. Especially with the dream collapsing around them.
"... It did?"
He's a little curious where Oscar was going with that one, but he knows better than to press it. he heaves out a soft sigh, leaning back on the bedframe.
"Hah," it's a tired, sad little laugh, not much humour behind it. "I kind of understood why Rapunzel was so mad at me, back on the ship. I just- I don't know. It brought back a lot of bad memories and I was scared for you."
"A collapsing portal isn't as scary as facing Ironwood alone,"
Oscar confessed with a wry laugh.
"I'm gonna need to apologize to him for that if we ever meet in this place. From what I heard about what happened to Pyrrha-- a teammate of his who died in the same incident that Oz died in-- that probably scared him."
And yet Jaune hadn't said a thing when they met in Mantle. They hugged, and agreed to work together to help Yang with the bigger problem on the streets. He owed the guy a lot... And he did miss Jaune too.
"But... Yeah. Watching you work so hard for something that only you knew, fight for the right thing no matter how hard or what the cost was... It did catch my eye."
He sighed--and there was no fighting the embarrassed flush that darkened his cheeks
"You wouldn't have been like that without everything that happened in Corona. It was really cool to watch, and I wanted to support you in whatever it was you wanted to do."
Especially after Ironwood's last big speech. That left him feeling pretty dang nervous. After what Oscar has told him about the man, he doesn't much care for him- much less whatever insane power grab he's been trying out.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeah it probably did. You are pretty good at throwing yourself into danger and making us all panic about it."
If it hadn't been for the blush, Varian probably wouldn't have picked up what Oscar was putting down. Heck, it's a small miracle he realised what his friend was getting at with the blush. Romantic intent has never been his forte. His eyebrows rise a little.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh," he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "Oh...wow, yeah, okay. I... uh. I definitely didn't pick up on that."
Man, is this how Cass felt when he was tripping over his own awkward puppy-crush feelings for her? Karma sure is a bitch. Varian honestly doesn't understand what anyone sees in him, but Oscar put that pretty succinctly.
"Um. Thanks?" thanks, good work, Shakespeare. "I'm...uh- flattered? And I appreciate the support? I- I mean, I do. But I see you more like... family? Also... uh, spoken for. Obviously. Yup."
"Yeah. I got that when you didn't notice over the winter."
Despite everything, Oscar shot Varian a wry look. While he knew he had an unfortunate talent for worrying people, he also had an unfortunate talent for getting crushes on people who were just in a different place in life.
Oscar wrapped his hands around his foot and leaned back, stretching his shoulders and tense muscles for a moment before peering at Varian with an oddly mature look of understanding.
"You're really smart, but you're kind of a moron. Don't worry-- I've already made my peace with things."
With that he flashed Varian a glimpse of his nails, still covered with the shiny blue gloss. Oscar knew that Varian understood something of Remnant culture and colors...
"H-hey! I'm not a moron!" he's absolutely a moron. He is 100% moron. He crosses his arms, huffing softly, "Social cues are hard, okay?"
Honestly, if Fern hadn't told him exactly how he felt, he still probably wouldn't have picked up on it. He's clearly not that put out, though. Oscar flashes a look at those nails and Varian leans his head in to peer owlishly at them. He does understand Remnant's relationship with colours- that picking a colour to wear means more than just deciding to pick that colour for that day. That was not the shade of blue of his hair, so this definitely wasn't a him thing. Hmmmmm~
"So. Who's the blue for?" a tiny smirk tugs at his lips- the first time he's smiled since this whole conversation started.
He's already trying to think who out of their mutual friends would wear that shade of blue. One particular name springs to mind but he's not going to outright state it, not yet anyway.
Oscar said with a grin, wanting to keep this little detail to himself for a little while longer. He had not yet properly confessed to the person in question-- but he planned to do so before long, and he was not keen to have that ruined by an interloper if he could help it.
"Looks like I've got a type, because you're totally a moron if you seriously think that your mistakes make you unworthy of someone's trust and friendship."
He looked down at his leg once more, mulling over how life was going to be in the coming days with a missing appendage. Although it would certainly be a challenge, and although he had his regrets over how it happened...
Helping a friend, taking back some of his agency, was worth it.
Varian lets out a soft, grumbling huffy sound at the return of the moron comment. So rude. Super rude!! He's certainly curious about who else has caught Oscar's eye- and he really does hope it's someone who can reciprocate for him. He deserves that much- god forbid they all deserve someone they can rely on in this hell town.
"...Yeah, well. I've been trying to learn to accept that as A Thing," people twisting him and giving him friendship despite everything he'd done. "I was making a little headway on it, but losing all the memories and getting them back has kinda been like opening a healing wound."
It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still not great. He hasn't lost all his progress, but he's lost enough. He heaves out a sigh.
"I'm working on it. Maybe if the town wasn't falling to pieces, I'd be able to focus on it better, like I am back home. No such luck right now though."
His gaze drops to the leg- or lack thereof.
"It's going to make moving around for you a lot harder- especially with everything as it is. You can't depend wholly on your magic," he frowns. "I know people who know what they're doing... prosthetic wise. They gave me pointers so I knew what I was doing to make mine. And obviously, the offer's there if you need it from me."
Oscar said quietly, a small, bitter smile playing on his lips as he thought over just who would benefit the most emotionally from helping him with this task. He already had a person in mind, however he also knew better than to rely on just a single, unconfirmed option.
"I know people too. But, I'll definitely come your way if that falls through."
Because Varian, despite being a moron about his personal affairs, was still one of the smartest people he knew in town.
Not that he was without personal challenges himself. Even after so many months, he could vividly recall Ozpin's sheer terror at having his past-- his truth revealed. It was no wonder Oz locked himself away for so long in the aftermath...
"And, Varian?" He added, quietly. "Sometimes the only way a person is going to grow is if they let themselves be vulnerable. Your past sounds like it's full of anger and hurt. It must have been terrible! But, hiding it away and pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it less a part of you.
"And... everything must have been confusing without those memories. No one should have to go through life not even knowing who they are."
"I think that's fair. It's... something you've gotta work out for yourself. "
He sure as heck did. He needed to be able to work on his own leg. He'd lost a part of himself and it needed to be him that found a way to replace it. It was part of the healing process- he doesn't think he would have healed any near as quickly without him having to put his own self into it. He would have been cheating himself.
He offers a tired little smile, leaning back on the headboard of the bed.
"I know. I've been working on that. Dealing with it better," it's slow process, but he's trying. "I think I'll always be careful about who gets to know. I need to trust someone first. It's just... well. A lot."
That much is obvious to Oscar now at least, he hopes. How much of A Lot it is. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I didn't especially like it. Knowing I was missing something, even if it was awful it- I don't know. It felt like I was missing huge chunks of myself. I do not recommend a second death."
"...I've been here nearly a year and I've somehow managed to avoid dying at all,"
Oscar admitted, knowing full well that this fact was only because he had dubiously good fortunes on his side. The guilt over this status was something he struggled with in hard times, when his friends, team mates, and found family were all struggling with the ramifications of their own deaths. It added to the overall helplessness he felt in the circumstances.
Although he had lost a part of himself in helping Varian, somehow he felt... relieved. It served as proof that there were things he could influence and change in this world.
"Not that I'm rushing for it, but I'm not sure how much longer my luck will hold out. In the meanwhile... I'll just keep helping my friends who are hurt. Like you.
"Because... even if we lose our limbs and our memories, we don't have to lose what's important to us. Like our friends."
"If you can keep that particular streak going, that would be great. Try to keep that luck holding out, please."
His tone might be a little jokey, but he definitely means it. He'd rather Oscar not get himself killed here. His memories are already a convoluted mess- the last thing he needs is to start losing them, too. No- far better than Oscar doesn't experience that particular aspect of the town.
He does smile faintly. Because that's a really nice sentiment. Very fitting. This town takes a lot from them, but if they can keep hold of each other... well, they can weather the rest of it.
"Truer words have not been spoken," he can't his head. "...And hey, whoever the nail polish is for? You know they'd really luck out with you, Oscar. You're a great guy."
Oscar asked-- a tad shy for a moment. He briefly cast a glance down at the glossy dark blue nails, a fond smile playing on his lips as he thought on who that color was for.
"I haven't known them long, and our situations could make it awkward... But I've come to cherish the conversations we have, like I've enjoyed our's.
"...Saying it is going to be the hard part. That's all."
He might not share Oscar's specific feelings towards him, but he still thinks Oscar is an incredible person. One of the most incredible people he's ever met, in all honesty.
"I think your situation is always gonna be... a thing, but you might be surprised. I guess you'll never know unless you take that step... and I get it's scary, believe me, I do."
It took him the better part of half a year to finally talk to Fern about his feelings, after all.
"But it's gotta be better than hanging onto them yourself, right?"
Hanging onto them himself meant suffering in silence. It meant doing crazy things without expectation of recognition or even a 'thank you', but it also meant bearing those burdens alone If Oscar had learned anything from this, it was that doing things alone never got him anywhere good.
He smiled shyly and rubbed at the blue paint on his nails with his fingertips in a fidgety gesture-- but, he was quietly pleased, too.
"Right,"
He said, finally.
"I'll try to find a way to tell them. And... I hope it works."
Varian knew only too well where trying to deal with things alone led. It's a bad habit he still slips into, from time to time, but he's trying to wean himself out of it. To learn to rely on other people and understand he's not dragging them down in doing so.
"I'm sure you'll do fine," he smiles. "And if they break your heart, I can absolutely lightly poison them. Only lightly."
"I think you might find that trickier to do than you expect!"
Oscar chuckled, glad to see Varian back in full form. While the person he was referencing had no extraordinary capabilities beyond that of a human from a more peaceful version of Earth, they came with a full party of people whom Oscar was certain would commit murder and hide bodies for one of their own.
"What? You talking to them or me lightly poisoning them?"
Varian definitely doesn't want to get on the bad side of the Pines household. Well, except Stan, but that's a whole other thing. Still, it feels good to laugh a little, it eases some of the weight of their conversation. It gives him hope that things can be okay, normal, despite Oscar knowing the past that dogged him. His smile softens.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"By that point, I was a wanted traitor to the crown. So no, no one tried to talk to me."
Maybe if he hadn't gone so far, Rapunzel would have. She has an endless ability towards forgiveness. He should have given her the chance. But he didn't, and now they're here.
"I made a bunch of automatons to attack the guards and keep them busy. Rapunzel and the king decided to try and sneak into my lab, but I was expecting them. I captured them pretty easily. I... gave Rapunzel an ultimatum. I emptied out a vial of the amber next to where I'd chained her mom up. I told her she helped me, or her mother would face the same fate as my father."
He still remembers how terrified Rapunzel and her father were. How the queen tried to keep a brave face but how blatantly terrified she was too. He didn't care. It was all a means to an end at that point.
"...It didn't work. Rapunzel's power didn't do anything with the amber and the royal family managed to get free. I saw them hugging together, just this... this happy family and I'd lost the only family I had left and something in me just... snapped."
no subject
"It must have hurt, seeing them like that while your dad was trapped," he said quietly. "What happened then?"
no subject
It had been spiteful, and selfish, and stupid. He could see that now. But at the time, there had been a red veil of rage around him and no amount of reasoning with him would have brought him down at that point.
"I got on board my biggest automaton and grabbed the queen and Rapunzel's best friend in each hand. I told her she needed to suffer and I... I started to crush them to death," and he was ready for Rapunzel to watch every agonising second of it. "...Luckily for all of us, Rapunzel realised her connection with the rocks and managed to defeat me and save them. No one died and I got sent to the castle dungeons. I was there for a year, before I got out. "
no subject
There was no condoning what Varian had done-- but it was easy to see the reasons for those actions as well.
"...Of course you wanted her to understand. You were angry, and alone. That's hard to deal with."
It was a small fortune that Varian had been stopped before anything happened, Oscar knew. But, still...
"What about your dad in all of this?"
no subject
It wasn't even about Cassandra or Arianna at that point. It had been about ripping into Rapunzel's heart and making her hurt as much as he possibly could. He likes to think he wouldn't do that any more, but once you know you have such a deep, dark well inside of you... well, the fear of it coming back and swallowing you whole is always there.
"Still in the amber. I gave up on trying to free him. But the people who helped me out of prison had some ideas and I stupidly followed them. I thought they were on my side. We used magic to wipe the memories of the king and queen- Rapunzel and her group were away trying to learn more about the rocks. It was easy to slip in and take over. I took place as their royal advisor and with their memories wiped, they had no reason to believe otherwise. I treated the citizens of the Kingdom like slaves- working in the mines. The orders came from the king, even if they knew it was me pulling the strings. They didn't dare rise up. "
He knew there was a quiet residence, of course. Xavier had been at the front of that. But nothing came of it until Rapunzel came back.
"...I wanted to make a gas to spread through Corona- that's what I needed minerals from the mines for. I wanted to force everyone to forget... everything," he grimaces- after being in Deerington and both seen and experiencing how awful that was, he can't believe he ever thought that was a good idea. "I thought it was the only way I could redeem myself. "
no subject
Oscar said quietly, picking his words carefully. For a moment he realized he was talking to someone comparable to Ironwood at their worst-- whose fear and need for control overrode their better judgement and, when lost in the darkness of their despair, saw no choice but to use their might as an avenue to make matters right.
In a small way, Oscar also saw how he was no different.
"Forgetting things doesn't make anything better," he added, quietly. It was a sentiment he felt in his bones, he knew in his gut. "I... think a part of me knows that better than most people. And, I think you know that now, too."
tw: suicide
It was stupid and naive. It was a childish way of thinking. As if hiding all the damage and pain he'd caused would somehow make it so it never happened at all. He'd tried to dodge the consequences of his actions and it nearly destroyed the city.
"The people I was working with double-crossed me. They never wanted to go with my plan. The chemical I was working on was highly explosive. More than Flynnolium. By a lot," he pulls his flesh and blood leg up to his chest, hugging it close for comfort. "They... they wanted to drop it on the city, raze it to the ground. Wipe everyone out. I- that was a line I couldn't cross. I didn't sign up for mass slaughter."
For all the bad things he'd done, there was a line. He took a small sense of comfort that the line existed at all. That despite everything, he wasn't a complete monster. He's quiet for a moment- there's a part of this story he always skips over, but Oscar sacrificed an awful lot for these memories to come back. It would be disingenuous to keep it from him.
"...I helped Rapunzel get onto the airship they were going to drop the chemicals on. The fight meant the ship was damaged, it was going down and fast. If we didn't get it higher again, it would have levelled the city. We could use the chemical to keep it up, but it would have meant someone staying on the ship," his eyes become a little more distant, he doesn't like talking about this, there's a reason only Fern knows. "I told Rapunzel to get off. I just- I needed to fix my own mess. And it's not like I had anyone left to mourn me at that point. I couldn't let something I'd created kill so many people. I just- if one of us was gonna die, it might as well have been me."
He'd been so desperately lost at that point. The darkness had swallowed him whole and he didn't know how to get out of it any more.
"She didn't let me. She kicked me off the ship and used her hair to protect herself and the city was saved, " he heaves out an uneven breath. "She- she managed to free my dad. She'd learned a new power while she was out in the world, and she used it to melt the amber. He was okay," thank god, he was okay, Varian doesn't know where he would be if his father had been lost forever. "From that point onwards, I did everything I could to make up for what I'd done. To try and put good back in the world after doing so much damage."
He lets go of his leg, leaning back on the bed, casting Oscar a look.
"And now you know," the whole sad, sorry tale. "That's what you gave your leg up for."
no subject
Oscar leveled his gaze on Varian and shifted on the bed, pulling his good leg up onto the mattress and folding it before him as if he were sitting with both legs in relative comfort. He watched his friend, mulling over the sad, sorry tale of Varian's fall and redemption-- a part of him feeling like the themes within were distinctly familiar.
He heaved a sigh and shook his head, shaggy hair falling into his face.
"You saw the line and you didn't cross it. That's more than most people can say... Including people whose memories I've got in here."
He tapped his temple, and dragged himself out of the memories of the Last King of Vale.
"That's an important part of you, no matter how dark it is and the things you've done. And... I guess it's that darkness in you that caught my attention when we met. I..."
Oscar chuckled and shook his head once more.
"Nevermind. It's nothing. But-- that does explain a lot about why you were mad at me in February."
no subject
"...After losing those memories, I realised that they really did make me learn to be better, I guess? I knew how bad I could be, so I knew to avoid... that again. When I didn't have those memories...well, that lesson wasn't there."
And he'd ended up getting into fights and not being quite right. He'd felt broken and lost and as much as it truly hurt still that Oscar did this, sacrificed this to get those memories back, he's not convinced how well he would have handled another month with them gone. Especially with the dream collapsing around them.
"... It did?"
He's a little curious where Oscar was going with that one, but he knows better than to press it. he heaves out a soft sigh, leaning back on the bedframe.
"Hah," it's a tired, sad little laugh, not much humour behind it. "I kind of understood why Rapunzel was so mad at me, back on the ship. I just- I don't know. It brought back a lot of bad memories and I was scared for you."
no subject
Oscar confessed with a wry laugh.
"I'm gonna need to apologize to him for that if we ever meet in this place. From what I heard about what happened to Pyrrha-- a teammate of his who died in the same incident that Oz died in-- that probably scared him."
And yet Jaune hadn't said a thing when they met in Mantle. They hugged, and agreed to work together to help Yang with the bigger problem on the streets. He owed the guy a lot... And he did miss Jaune too.
"But... Yeah. Watching you work so hard for something that only you knew, fight for the right thing no matter how hard or what the cost was... It did catch my eye."
He sighed--and there was no fighting the embarrassed flush that darkened his cheeks
"You wouldn't have been like that without everything that happened in Corona. It was really cool to watch, and I wanted to support you in whatever it was you wanted to do."
no subject
Especially after Ironwood's last big speech. That left him feeling pretty dang nervous. After what Oscar has told him about the man, he doesn't much care for him- much less whatever insane power grab he's been trying out.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeah it probably did. You are pretty good at throwing yourself into danger and making us all panic about it."
If it hadn't been for the blush, Varian probably wouldn't have picked up what Oscar was putting down. Heck, it's a small miracle he realised what his friend was getting at with the blush. Romantic intent has never been his forte. His eyebrows rise a little.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh," he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "Oh...wow, yeah, okay. I... uh. I definitely didn't pick up on that."
Man, is this how Cass felt when he was tripping over his own awkward puppy-crush feelings for her? Karma sure is a bitch. Varian honestly doesn't understand what anyone sees in him, but Oscar put that pretty succinctly.
"Um. Thanks?" thanks, good work, Shakespeare. "I'm...uh- flattered? And I appreciate the support? I- I mean, I do. But I see you more like... family? Also... uh, spoken for. Obviously. Yup."
no subject
Despite everything, Oscar shot Varian a wry look. While he knew he had an unfortunate talent for worrying people, he also had an unfortunate talent for getting crushes on people who were just in a different place in life.
Oscar wrapped his hands around his foot and leaned back, stretching his shoulders and tense muscles for a moment before peering at Varian with an oddly mature look of understanding.
"You're really smart, but you're kind of a moron. Don't worry-- I've already made my peace with things."
With that he flashed Varian a glimpse of his nails, still covered with the shiny blue gloss. Oscar knew that Varian understood something of Remnant culture and colors...
no subject
Honestly, if Fern hadn't told him exactly how he felt, he still probably wouldn't have picked up on it. He's clearly not that put out, though. Oscar flashes a look at those nails and Varian leans his head in to peer owlishly at them. He does understand Remnant's relationship with colours- that picking a colour to wear means more than just deciding to pick that colour for that day. That was not the shade of blue of his hair, so this definitely wasn't a him thing. Hmmmmm~
"So. Who's the blue for?" a tiny smirk tugs at his lips- the first time he's smiled since this whole conversation started.
He's already trying to think who out of their mutual friends would wear that shade of blue. One particular name springs to mind but he's not going to outright state it, not yet anyway.
no subject
Oscar said with a grin, wanting to keep this little detail to himself for a little while longer. He had not yet properly confessed to the person in question-- but he planned to do so before long, and he was not keen to have that ruined by an interloper if he could help it.
"Looks like I've got a type, because you're totally a moron if you seriously think that your mistakes make you unworthy of someone's trust and friendship."
He looked down at his leg once more, mulling over how life was going to be in the coming days with a missing appendage. Although it would certainly be a challenge, and although he had his regrets over how it happened...
Helping a friend, taking back some of his agency, was worth it.
no subject
"...Yeah, well. I've been trying to learn to accept that as A Thing," people twisting him and giving him friendship despite everything he'd done. "I was making a little headway on it, but losing all the memories and getting them back has kinda been like opening a healing wound."
It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still not great. He hasn't lost all his progress, but he's lost enough. He heaves out a sigh.
"I'm working on it. Maybe if the town wasn't falling to pieces, I'd be able to focus on it better, like I am back home. No such luck right now though."
His gaze drops to the leg- or lack thereof.
"It's going to make moving around for you a lot harder- especially with everything as it is. You can't depend wholly on your magic," he frowns. "I know people who know what they're doing... prosthetic wise. They gave me pointers so I knew what I was doing to make mine. And obviously, the offer's there if you need it from me."
no subject
Oscar said quietly, a small, bitter smile playing on his lips as he thought over just who would benefit the most emotionally from helping him with this task. He already had a person in mind, however he also knew better than to rely on just a single, unconfirmed option.
"I know people too. But, I'll definitely come your way if that falls through."
Because Varian, despite being a moron about his personal affairs, was still one of the smartest people he knew in town.
Not that he was without personal challenges himself. Even after so many months, he could vividly recall Ozpin's sheer terror at having his past-- his truth revealed. It was no wonder Oz locked himself away for so long in the aftermath...
"And, Varian?" He added, quietly. "Sometimes the only way a person is going to grow is if they let themselves be vulnerable. Your past sounds like it's full of anger and hurt. It must have been terrible! But, hiding it away and pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it less a part of you.
"And... everything must have been confusing without those memories. No one should have to go through life not even knowing who they are."
no subject
He sure as heck did. He needed to be able to work on his own leg. He'd lost a part of himself and it needed to be him that found a way to replace it. It was part of the healing process- he doesn't think he would have healed any near as quickly without him having to put his own self into it. He would have been cheating himself.
He offers a tired little smile, leaning back on the headboard of the bed.
"I know. I've been working on that. Dealing with it better," it's slow process, but he's trying. "I think I'll always be careful about who gets to know. I need to trust someone first. It's just... well. A lot."
That much is obvious to Oscar now at least, he hopes. How much of A Lot it is. He shrugs his shoulders.
"I didn't especially like it. Knowing I was missing something, even if it was awful it- I don't know. It felt like I was missing huge chunks of myself. I do not recommend a second death."
no subject
Oscar admitted, knowing full well that this fact was only because he had dubiously good fortunes on his side. The guilt over this status was something he struggled with in hard times, when his friends, team mates, and found family were all struggling with the ramifications of their own deaths. It added to the overall helplessness he felt in the circumstances.
Although he had lost a part of himself in helping Varian, somehow he felt... relieved. It served as proof that there were things he could influence and change in this world.
"Not that I'm rushing for it, but I'm not sure how much longer my luck will hold out. In the meanwhile... I'll just keep helping my friends who are hurt. Like you.
"Because... even if we lose our limbs and our memories, we don't have to lose what's important to us. Like our friends."
no subject
His tone might be a little jokey, but he definitely means it. He'd rather Oscar not get himself killed here. His memories are already a convoluted mess- the last thing he needs is to start losing them, too. No- far better than Oscar doesn't experience that particular aspect of the town.
He does smile faintly. Because that's a really nice sentiment. Very fitting. This town takes a lot from them, but if they can keep hold of each other... well, they can weather the rest of it.
"Truer words have not been spoken," he can't his head. "...And hey, whoever the nail polish is for? You know they'd really luck out with you, Oscar. You're a great guy."
no subject
Oscar asked-- a tad shy for a moment. He briefly cast a glance down at the glossy dark blue nails, a fond smile playing on his lips as he thought on who that color was for.
"I haven't known them long, and our situations could make it awkward... But I've come to cherish the conversations we have, like I've enjoyed our's.
"...Saying it is going to be the hard part. That's all."
no subject
He might not share Oscar's specific feelings towards him, but he still thinks Oscar is an incredible person. One of the most incredible people he's ever met, in all honesty.
"I think your situation is always gonna be... a thing, but you might be surprised. I guess you'll never know unless you take that step... and I get it's scary, believe me, I do."
It took him the better part of half a year to finally talk to Fern about his feelings, after all.
"But it's gotta be better than hanging onto them yourself, right?"
no subject
He smiled shyly and rubbed at the blue paint on his nails with his fingertips in a fidgety gesture-- but, he was quietly pleased, too.
"Right,"
He said, finally.
"I'll try to find a way to tell them. And... I hope it works."
no subject
"I'm sure you'll do fine," he smiles. "And if they break your heart, I can absolutely lightly poison them. Only lightly."
no subject
Oscar chuckled, glad to see Varian back in full form. While the person he was referencing had no extraordinary capabilities beyond that of a human from a more peaceful version of Earth, they came with a full party of people whom Oscar was certain would commit murder and hide bodies for one of their own.
"But... thanks. For understanding."
no subject
Varian definitely doesn't want to get on the bad side of the Pines household. Well, except Stan, but that's a whole other thing. Still, it feels good to laugh a little, it eases some of the weight of their conversation. It gives him hope that things can be okay, normal, despite Oscar knowing the past that dogged him. His smile softens.
"I'm pretty sure that should be my line to you."
(no subject)
(no subject)