[Oscar was already well on the road to recovery by the time the text came to his device, but with the roads torn apart by the desert shift that had overtaken Deerington, they had yet to figure out the best means of safely transporting him back to his home with Ruby and Yang. He had been staying at Ozpin's mansion in the interim, and had watched the festivities from the window overlooking the school in between chatter from close friends who had descended upon the mansion the night before.
This was a message he had been dreading-- but the cool touch of the safety pin he had insisted Gerry leave dangling from his ear while their bathroom piercing job healed was a small reminder of reality.
Life was pain, but it didn't have to consume you.]
There's been problems lately that have hit a lot of people close to me. Remnant problems.
I didn't want to get you to get involved, because Glitch already is. I don't need you running off and getting yourself hurt because you want to help us.
[Life was absolutely pain. Sometimes, Varian managed to not let his consume him- with varying degrees of success. Deerington had removed that pain for a while for him, and while he had been told it was still there, that he'd just forgotten it, it had been a brief reprieve from being... himself. Or rather the himself he is now, after a multitude of mistakes he can never really get back.
With those memories back in full swing he feels... weird. Right and wrong at the same time. He's aware he's a better person for what he's been through- it's made him more understanding, given him a bigger capacity for forgiveness. But he had a hell of a ride to get there. He's not sure how he feels about either his memories absence or return. He doesn't know if any of this was a good thing or a bad thing. Probably it's somewhere in between.
That's worrying to hear though.]
Glitch told me he'd been killed, he was really cagey about it all. So this is a BIG Remnant problem, then? As opposed to the normal Remnant problems?
[It was all Oscar would explain-- for going further still felt too raw. The pain of the torture he had endured by her hands didn't linger, nor did it completely wreck multiple of his friends in such a quick succession.
Life was pain. It had been so for a long time, and he was doing his best to stay afloat.]
No, I'm not okay.
[Those words were hard]
But I will be. I didn't die, but
But I'm probably not going to be cooking for a little while. Kinda hard to use the oven when you can't exactly stand.
Varian just STARES at those two words for a while, his hand shaking as he grips the Fluid tightly. Shit shit shit shit. That's about the worst thing that could have happened to anyone from Remnant. He;s only glad Rapunzel has gone- her having to deal with that would be unthinkable.]
Trust me, I have NO intentions of going within a hundred feet of her.
Why can't you stand? What did she do to you? And trust me, you should be relaxing on the anxiety casseroles anyway. You've been making a lot more of those lately and it's worrying me.
[The gravity of Salem's presence was not lost on Oscar-- she had killed and tortured his friends, assaulted the safety that they all felt they had, and was likely not keen on staying dead.
Oscar didn't look forward to an eternity of killing her.
But the explanation was going to be too long for text, and Oscar was growing tired of the effort. After a moment he switched to video and peered into the camera for a beat. ]
You're not the first one whose said something about that, but I'm surprised the first was a guy I barely knew.
[He released a heavy sigh.]
Now I kinda wish I had met Mako sooner. He's smart.
[Mako, in one conversation, had deduced what had taken others months to even broach. He had additionally helped Oscar find an alternative to cope with that was actually beneficial-- and not cooking casseroles for anyone who looked hungry.
After a heavy moment, Oscar added:]
... Don't be mad, okay?
[And he flipped the camera feed, revealing the uneven lines of his legs under the woolen blanket that he was still snuggled up in.]
Mako is really smart. You should listen to him. He knows what he's talking about.
["Don't be mad" is a deeply worrying prelude to anything. That suggests that this is something he's going to be very mad about. The video feed switches on and Varian sees the uneven lines and oh, oh that is awfully familiar. He's seen it in himself many a time.
It suddenly feels like his heart stopped. His memories came back early. He knows that means a sacrifice, and Oscar says don't be mad and a lot of dots connect very, very fast. There's utter radio silence for a moment, before Varian switches his own feed on. His face is pale, his lips a thin line. Hurt and panic and worry gnaw at his insides. Oh no, not this.]
...I have a feeling this is a conversation we need to have in person.
[Oscar said quietly, flipping the feed around so Varian could see the worried crease of his brow and the way he chewed at his lip nervously. His heart was pounding in his chest, and already he was looking around the room for an escape.]
Not here. I don't want Oz getting involved. He's been a tad protective... because since Salem's here, I'm not convinced this wouldn't have happened anyway.
She targeted me back home, and she was targeting me here.
[Oscar looks really bad and that's enough to take some of the bite out of his anger. It's still there, bubbling under the surface- but he remembers losing his own leg. He remembers how exhausted it made him, the pain that spiked often. It... wasn't a pleasant time.]
...Yeah, I'd rather not have him around anyway. But you're not exactly mobile.
[Of course she was- Oscar had told him he'd been kidnapped, more worry spikes at him.]
She was looking for Oz, I think... but our magic is the same.
[To a Grimm, he knew he looked little different from the Wizard. The beast's guttural growl of'Take the Wizard' still echoed with a bone shaking intensity in the back of his mind-- Oscar tried not to dwell on it when the nights were too dark...]
It's been over a week, Varian. [He explained in a tired tone, not wanting to admit openly that he was still fighting with the effects of major blood loss and the nagging effects of phantom limb discomfort. That leg had been the one injured in October, where the injuries didn't quite heal cleanly.
It was a small fortune that Oz had an enchanted scarf that helped speed healing and mitigate the pain. He kept it tied around the remaining stump as much as was possible.]
It's not perfect, but I can manage.
Mostly.
[Lies. He was still nervous to try the stairs without a spot.]
[Varian slowly, pointedly raises his eyebrows towards the screen. Oscar, please.]
Yeeeeeeeah, see that line would probably work on someone else, but I lost a leg too. I know it was like six months ago, but it wasn't long enough ago that I've forgotten how long it took to heal. A week is nothing. A week is still 'oh hey I can drag myself along on a stick but I might still pass out if I turn weird'. Also, outside is a mess- there's no way you can move through that without help.
[The man was a veritable Bad Luck Charm, but Oscar had such a fondness for him that he had finally started feeling comfortable with calling him 'Uncle.' It was strange to think about still.
Equally strange was the feedback loop he and Ozpin shared. They felt each other's discomfort and pain... And evidently when one of them was missing a limb. While Oz fought with his own strength and balance in reflection of Oscar's injury, Oscar had to fight with the frustrating presence of phantom limb sensations-- and it was distracting during his recovery process.
Still, some fundamental truths remained.]
We both know that I'm more athletic than you. I'm not gonna ask you to climb up the outside walls to get in.
...I can turn into a bird sometimes, if I try. It's the only magic I'm comfortable using, but I'm not sure how that would go with how everything is right now.
[Qrow had explained his situation with Varian in the labyrinth, what feels like a hundred years ago. It sounded like an impossibly difficult semblance to live with- to bring misfortune to yourself and everyone around you.
Varian still suffers from phantom limb pains- or an itch he literally can't scratch. He can't imagine how much that would be amplified when you're emotionally linked to someone with both legs. That's got to make a real mess of things. ]
Hah, yeah let's not. I do not have the requisite skills to scale walls.
...Hmm. I really don't want you hurting yourself worse than you already are. Don't overtax yourself on my account.
[He very almost adds "you've done enough of that already" but he manages to bite it back. ]
['Too late,' he had wanted to say, but he but back the dry, bitter retort in favor of releasing a heavy sigh. Oscar's shoulders sank with his frustration and exhaustion, for he knew that this was not going to be a simple conversation between the two of them.
They still had options. ]
We can either keep talking on the Fluids like this, or you can let me try something. Oz is gonna know-- but it's not hard, and I can be mobile with it.
[Talking on the Fluids is a last resort. It wouldn't be the first time Varians has had to bear his whole sad story on this thing, but he'd really rather do it in person if he can. At this point, Oscar deserves to hear it, face to face. He casts the feed a worried look, relenting. ]
Okay. Try it in your room first. If it hurts or causes you problems, stop and we'll just... do this over the Fluids.
[It was starting to become a familiar expression-- that look of worry that people regarded him with, where they wanted to say something but held back. Oscar attempted to offer a reassuring smile, but the result only looked tired. He was too young to look so burdened and wearied-- but that, too, was becoming a familiar state of being.]
It shouldn't be hard. I've done it by accident when I was in bad shape.
[The admission should not have been as casual as it was. If being tortured by Salem was not equivalent to his state in that moment, he didn't know what it was equal to.]
Besides. You've probably seen it somewhere else before.
Give me a few, okay?
[With that, he closed the feed off. He had windows to open, magics to reach for, gear to prepare...
Yet shifting his body into the tiny, flighted form came far more easily than he had expected. The draw on the shared reserves of magic was likewise negligible, and for a moment Oscar felt...
Free.
Several minutes after Oscar cut off the feed, Varian would find a slight tapping at his window. Outside, a saw whet owl, bright eyed and apparently one legged, sat patiently on the window ledge.]
That doesn't fill me with confidence, Oscar. But yeah... okay. Be careful, please.
[And so he'll wait, with every growing anxiety to see... well, whatever Oscar is going to do. He said he could turn into a bird. He knew Qrow could do that, and of course, back home there had been that magical tea with the same effects. It wasn't a completely alien concept to him.
He's still surprised by the little owl at his window anyway. The one-legged, obviously Oscar owl. Maybe his life is just accepting dark-haired people with poor decision-making skills with an affinity for owls are just... a thing. He walks over, opening the door to let Oscar hop in. ]
Well. You weren't kidding. You can sit on the bed- you probably need to.
[Or it could merely have been the fact that Oscar, in many ways, resembled an owl. He was wide eyed, impulsive and flighty, but also tended to unnerve the unaware with his presence. The Owl blinked up at Varian before fluttering off toward the bed in a puff of tawny feathers-- in the space of a blink he shifted back to being a Boy who gratefully took a seat upon the bed.
The soft orange flannel of his shirt was wrinkled from his general dissaray and state of recovery, and the loose fitting pants were firmly knotted on the remaining stump of his left leg to guard against drafts. Besides the crutches, which he had managed to bring along, the only obvious embellishments Oscar had made were a fresh piercing in the lobe of one of his ears, a green silken scarf wrapped around the still healing injury, and the subtle gloss of dark blue polish on his fingernails.
He was already learning alternative means of coping, evidently with the guidance of the very goth art teacher at the high school.
Oscar brushed his hair out of his face in a futile act, and tried to cast a wry smile for Varian. The effect only highlighted how young he was-- a boy of fourteen (almost fifteen!) who carried burdens of someone who had lived for centuries.]
I told you I'd make it, [he commented.] That, uh... Uncle Qrow helped me figure that one out.
Oscar's new look does get a slightly raised eyebrow- but hey, everyone deserves a chance to remake themselves if they want to. It's not like Varian hasn't done that himself before now. At least Oscar didn't draw a fake goatee on his chin. If it was helping him cope with the, quite frankly awful, experience of losing a limb, then Varian wouldn't judge.
He doesn't smile back, though- his face still pale and lined with worry. ]
...Yeah, I guess he would know. [His eyes drop down to the missing spot where the rest of Oscar's leg once was.] Have you had enough to help deal with the pain?
[Embarrassment and shame burned on his cheeks under Varian's worried gaze, and for a moment he couldn't look back at his friend. Ruby had already punched him for trying to take responsibility for what had happened, Gerry had already lectured him before Salem even arrived, and Ozpin...
Their connection made what had transpired that much more brutal.]
The scarf is something Oz got from Sodder a while back. It helps, a lot. Mostly it's been hard to getting used to all this...
... I'm just glad my knee doesn't hurt like it did anymore.
Yeah, losing the entire leg does solve that sort of problem.
[There's no humour in his tone. He pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly- trying to keep hold of some measure of calm. There's still anger there- bubbling underneath it all.]
I can connect the dots here- memories back early, missing leg- two and two make four- but I need to know for sure anyway. Did you make a sacrifice? Is- is this [he gestures at the very missing space where Oscar's leg should have been] is this because of that?
[Oscar sobered as well, heart pounding in his ears and shoulders tensing while he prepared for the worst.]
... I did make a deal with Sodder to do that, [he confessed after a moment that felt like an eternity.] But she took so long taking it that I'm not sure it wouldn't have happened anyway once Salem showed up.
I made my choice regardless... And i know it was selfish.
[Varian buries his face in his hands, his voice coming out scratchy and strained. God fucking damnit. He knows, logically, that it's hypocritical for him to be angry. After all, he did this exact same thing for Fern. He didn't know what the sacrifice would be - but he made it willingly anyway.
But he's still angry- hypocritical or not. He's trying his best to not start shouting, and the effort is clear in his voice as he removes his hands to look at Oscar. ]
You don't- you don't even know what you sacrificed yourself for. You gave up a piece of yourself for- for nothing good. I'm not worth this.
[Oscar visibly flinched under the strained tone and the reprimand that Varian used in that instant. He had expected this-- and yet when faced with the all too familiar self loathing that he saw within Oz and felt within himself, Oscar knew he had to speak up. ]
Yes you are! Varian, I-I I like you. And I'm tired of watching the people I like get hurt!
[Varian hugs his arms around himself. Being back home, helping with Zhan Tiri, and his time here- he'd thought he was finally getting a handle on this. But having those memories gone, and then return in a sudden tidal wave... well, the self-loathing has come back strong again. ]
You don't know what you gave up your leg for.
[And he knows that's not Oscar's fault. He's always been so careful about who he trusts with his past and honestly, he knows he should have trusted Oscar with it a long time ago. But he didn't. And now they're here.]
I did terrible things, Oscar. I wasn't a good person.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text | un: pinecone
This was a message he had been dreading-- but the cool touch of the safety pin he had insisted Gerry leave dangling from his ear while their bathroom piercing job healed was a small reminder of reality.
Life was pain, but it didn't have to consume you.]
There's been problems lately that have hit a lot of people close to me. Remnant problems.
I didn't want to get you to get involved, because Glitch already is. I don't need you running off and getting yourself hurt because you want to help us.
no subject
With those memories back in full swing he feels... weird. Right and wrong at the same time. He's aware he's a better person for what he's been through- it's made him more understanding, given him a bigger capacity for forgiveness. But he had a hell of a ride to get there. He's not sure how he feels about either his memories absence or return. He doesn't know if any of this was a good thing or a bad thing. Probably it's somewhere in between.
That's worrying to hear though.]
Glitch told me he'd been killed, he was really cagey about it all. So this is a BIG Remnant problem, then? As opposed to the normal Remnant problems?
I'm taking it that's a 'no' on the being okay?
no subject
[It was all Oscar would explain-- for going further still felt too raw. The pain of the torture he had endured by her hands didn't linger, nor did it completely wreck multiple of his friends in such a quick succession.
Life was pain. It had been so for a long time, and he was doing his best to stay afloat.]
No, I'm not okay.
[Those words were hard]
But I will be. I didn't die, but
But I'm probably not going to be cooking for a little while. Kinda hard to use the oven when you can't exactly stand.
1/2
Varian just STARES at those two words for a while, his hand shaking as he grips the Fluid tightly. Shit shit shit shit. That's about the worst thing that could have happened to anyone from Remnant. He;s only glad Rapunzel has gone- her having to deal with that would be unthinkable.]
2/2
Why can't you stand? What did she do to you? And trust me, you should be relaxing on the anxiety casseroles anyway. You've been making a lot more of those lately and it's worrying me.
->Video
Oscar didn't look forward to an eternity of killing her.
But the explanation was going to be too long for text, and Oscar was growing tired of the effort. After a moment he switched to video and peered into the camera for a beat. ]
You're not the first one whose said something about that, but I'm surprised the first was a guy I barely knew.
[He released a heavy sigh.]
Now I kinda wish I had met Mako sooner. He's smart.
[Mako, in one conversation, had deduced what had taken others months to even broach. He had additionally helped Oscar find an alternative to cope with that was actually beneficial-- and not cooking casseroles for anyone who looked hungry.
After a heavy moment, Oscar added:]
... Don't be mad, okay?
[And he flipped the camera feed, revealing the uneven lines of his legs under the woolen blanket that he was still snuggled up in.]
->Video
["Don't be mad" is a deeply worrying prelude to anything. That suggests that this is something he's going to be very mad about. The video feed switches on and Varian sees the uneven lines and oh, oh that is awfully familiar. He's seen it in himself many a time.
It suddenly feels like his heart stopped. His memories came back early. He knows that means a sacrifice, and Oscar says don't be mad and a lot of dots connect very, very fast. There's utter radio silence for a moment, before Varian switches his own feed on. His face is pale, his lips a thin line. Hurt and panic and worry gnaw at his insides. Oh no, not this.]
...I have a feeling this is a conversation we need to have in person.
Video
[Oscar said quietly, flipping the feed around so Varian could see the worried crease of his brow and the way he chewed at his lip nervously. His heart was pounding in his chest, and already he was looking around the room for an escape.]
Not here. I don't want Oz getting involved. He's been a tad protective... because since Salem's here, I'm not convinced this wouldn't have happened anyway.
She targeted me back home, and she was targeting me here.
Video
...Yeah, I'd rather not have him around anyway. But you're not exactly mobile.
[Of course she was- Oscar had told him he'd been kidnapped, more worry spikes at him.]
Do you think she'll keep coming after you?
Video
[To a Grimm, he knew he looked little different from the Wizard. The beast's guttural growl of'Take the Wizard' still echoed with a bone shaking intensity in the back of his mind-- Oscar tried not to dwell on it when the nights were too dark...]
It's been over a week, Varian. [He explained in a tired tone, not wanting to admit openly that he was still fighting with the effects of major blood loss and the nagging effects of phantom limb discomfort. That leg had been the one injured in October, where the injuries didn't quite heal cleanly.
It was a small fortune that Oz had an enchanted scarf that helped speed healing and mitigate the pain. He kept it tied around the remaining stump as much as was possible.]
It's not perfect, but I can manage.
Mostly.
[Lies. He was still nervous to try the stairs without a spot.]
Video
[Varian slowly, pointedly raises his eyebrows towards the screen. Oscar, please.]
Yeeeeeeeah, see that line would probably work on someone else, but I lost a leg too. I know it was like six months ago, but it wasn't long enough ago that I've forgotten how long it took to heal. A week is nothing. A week is still 'oh hey I can drag myself along on a stick but I might still pass out if I turn weird'. Also, outside is a mess- there's no way you can move through that without help.
So you wanna try that one again?
Video
[The man was a veritable Bad Luck Charm, but Oscar had such a fondness for him that he had finally started feeling comfortable with calling him 'Uncle.' It was strange to think about still.
Equally strange was the feedback loop he and Ozpin shared. They felt each other's discomfort and pain... And evidently when one of them was missing a limb. While Oz fought with his own strength and balance in reflection of Oscar's injury, Oscar had to fight with the frustrating presence of phantom limb sensations-- and it was distracting during his recovery process.
Still, some fundamental truths remained.]
We both know that I'm more athletic than you. I'm not gonna ask you to climb up the outside walls to get in.
...I can turn into a bird sometimes, if I try. It's the only magic I'm comfortable using, but I'm not sure how that would go with how everything is right now.
Video
[Qrow had explained his situation with Varian in the labyrinth, what feels like a hundred years ago. It sounded like an impossibly difficult semblance to live with- to bring misfortune to yourself and everyone around you.
Varian still suffers from phantom limb pains- or an itch he literally can't scratch. He can't imagine how much that would be amplified when you're emotionally linked to someone with both legs. That's got to make a real mess of things. ]
Hah, yeah let's not. I do not have the requisite skills to scale walls.
...Hmm. I really don't want you hurting yourself worse than you already are. Don't overtax yourself on my account.
[He very almost adds "you've done enough of that already" but he manages to bite it back. ]
Video
They still had options. ]
We can either keep talking on the Fluids like this, or you can let me try something. Oz is gonna know-- but it's not hard, and I can be mobile with it.
Video
Okay. Try it in your room first. If it hurts or causes you problems, stop and we'll just... do this over the Fluids.
Video -> Action.
It shouldn't be hard. I've done it by accident when I was in bad shape.
[The admission should not have been as casual as it was. If being tortured by Salem was not equivalent to his state in that moment, he didn't know what it was equal to.]
Besides. You've probably seen it somewhere else before.
Give me a few, okay?
[With that, he closed the feed off. He had windows to open, magics to reach for, gear to prepare...
Yet shifting his body into the tiny, flighted form came far more easily than he had expected. The draw on the shared reserves of magic was likewise negligible, and for a moment Oscar felt...
Free.
Several minutes after Oscar cut off the feed, Varian would find a slight tapping at his window. Outside, a saw whet owl, bright eyed and apparently one legged, sat patiently on the window ledge.]
Action.
[And so he'll wait, with every growing anxiety to see... well, whatever Oscar is going to do. He said he could turn into a bird. He knew Qrow could do that, and of course, back home there had been that magical tea with the same effects. It wasn't a completely alien concept to him.
He's still surprised by the little owl at his window anyway. The one-legged, obviously Oscar owl. Maybe his life is just accepting dark-haired people with poor decision-making skills with an affinity for owls are just... a thing. He walks over, opening the door to let Oscar hop in. ]
Well. You weren't kidding. You can sit on the bed- you probably need to.
Action.
The soft orange flannel of his shirt was wrinkled from his general dissaray and state of recovery, and the loose fitting pants were firmly knotted on the remaining stump of his left leg to guard against drafts. Besides the crutches, which he had managed to bring along, the only obvious embellishments Oscar had made were a fresh piercing in the lobe of one of his ears, a green silken scarf wrapped around the still healing injury, and the subtle gloss of dark blue polish on his fingernails.
He was already learning alternative means of coping, evidently with the guidance of the very goth art teacher at the high school.
Oscar brushed his hair out of his face in a futile act, and tried to cast a wry smile for Varian. The effect only highlighted how young he was-- a boy of fourteen (almost fifteen!) who carried burdens of someone who had lived for centuries.]
I told you I'd make it, [he commented.] That, uh... Uncle Qrow helped me figure that one out.
action forever
Oscar's new look does get a slightly raised eyebrow- but hey, everyone deserves a chance to remake themselves if they want to. It's not like Varian hasn't done that himself before now. At least Oscar didn't draw a fake goatee on his chin. If it was helping him cope with the, quite frankly awful, experience of losing a limb, then Varian wouldn't judge.
He doesn't smile back, though- his face still pale and lined with worry. ]
...Yeah, I guess he would know. [His eyes drop down to the missing spot where the rest of Oscar's leg once was.] Have you had enough to help deal with the pain?
no subject
Their connection made what had transpired that much more brutal.]
The scarf is something Oz got from Sodder a while back. It helps, a lot. Mostly it's been hard to getting used to all this...
... I'm just glad my knee doesn't hurt like it did anymore.
no subject
[There's no humour in his tone. He pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly- trying to keep hold of some measure of calm. There's still anger there- bubbling underneath it all.]
I can connect the dots here- memories back early, missing leg- two and two make four- but I need to know for sure anyway. Did you make a sacrifice? Is- is this [he gestures at the very missing space where Oscar's leg should have been] is this because of that?
no subject
... I did make a deal with Sodder to do that, [he confessed after a moment that felt like an eternity.] But she took so long taking it that I'm not sure it wouldn't have happened anyway once Salem showed up.
I made my choice regardless... And i know it was selfish.
no subject
[Varian buries his face in his hands, his voice coming out scratchy and strained. God fucking damnit. He knows, logically, that it's hypocritical for him to be angry. After all, he did this exact same thing for Fern. He didn't know what the sacrifice would be - but he made it willingly anyway.
But he's still angry- hypocritical or not. He's trying his best to not start shouting, and the effort is clear in his voice as he removes his hands to look at Oscar. ]
You don't- you don't even know what you sacrificed yourself for. You gave up a piece of yourself for- for nothing good. I'm not worth this.
no subject
Yes you are! Varian, I-I I like you. And I'm tired of watching the people I like get hurt!
no subject
You don't know what you gave up your leg for.
[And he knows that's not Oscar's fault. He's always been so careful about who he trusts with his past and honestly, he knows he should have trusted Oscar with it a long time ago. But he didn't. And now they're here.]
I did terrible things, Oscar. I wasn't a good person.
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tw: suicide
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